Ideas and Thoughts on Carrying a Baby - June 16, 2016

The experience of carrying a baby is a rewarding and amazing gift. It continues to bless you as the months carry on, first with tiny thumps, then to an amazing force coming from within the womb. It is a transitional time for a woman. I urge you to honor this time. It is sacred. Our society tells us “do more, work more, be more” and I am asking you to look inside. You need rest, you need to prepare, you will reap great rewards for honoring this time with your body.

I could not have imagined the movement in my body of this little one. Everyday that I am pregnant I am amazed at its awesomeness.  It goes without saying that every woman knows what I mean, you cannot deny the joy it brings you. You are anxious, excited and nervous. Other times you experience symptoms, yet all the time you know they serve a purpose. As my sister told me “The pain is worth it for the joy that it brings.”

I took this last month of pregnancy for myself and for my baby. I fill this incredible time with appreciation and gratitude. I have waited a long time to be a Mom, but I wouldn’t change the waiting for anything in the world. It all makes sense now. Often times that is the most difficult, the allowing things to be just the way they are. Our need for control gets out of hand and emotionally it takes a toll on us, physically and mentally. When we allow the Universe to provide us with our gifts, it is ultimately better than we could have ever imagined.

This is one pregnancy and I know there will be more. This one was delightful. The seasonal changes from winter to spring and spring to summer kept me eager to discover the next phase of pregnancy and honor each trimester.  It also added to seasonal eating and kept me anticipating foods in season.  Finally, strawberry season has arrived!

Exercise has helped me immensely, I cannot say enough good things about getting those endorphins flowing on a regular basis. I participated in pregnancy yoga, which involved gentle stretching and postures and also enjoyed walks in the fresh air throughout the seasons. Sometimes it was short walks, but most of time it was longer distances.  When we first moved to our new house I found a walk that felt comfortable. It wasn’t until I walked the entire loop of the country road (2.5 miles) with my husband that I realized I could do it and it pushed me to go the longer distance regularly. As the months progressed, the longer walks took an hour or more, but the rush ofit all felt good and I slept well from the exercise. I used this time to clear my head of worries and to talk to my baby. He or she was probably sleeping, but my messages were that of love and preparation for our peaceful birth.

I adjusted to side sleeping which took some time and I hijacked all the pillows to use all around my body in order to be comfortable. It is what this time is about – adjustment, transition, learning to let go…

Your body changes in incredible ways…if you don’t think its incredible, look again! I know the weight gain can be unnerving, but you must look at the greater purpose, you are nurturing and sustaining a human being inside of you – it is miraculous!! Enjoy it!

I traveled for work while I was pregnant and I always tried to listen to a calming meditative cd about how to have a healthy pregnancy. It was full of positive affirmations and soothing visuals to allow you to relax around the constant changes that were taking place.

Apparently, according to my husband I was not that moody. I attribute the positive emotional state to exercise, nutrition and trust. My body knows how to do this, women have been pregnant and giving birth for centuries. I allowed the process to flow through me and with that came a great sense of peace and happiness.

Some days you will feel tired, try to drink more water, get fresh air, eat healthy and nutrient dense foods.  If you can’t stop the craving, go after it! I remember when I had to find chicken salad one day or the hunt for salami was on! The next week it was soft serve ice cream. It wasn’t everyday that I had cravings and it subsided as the second trimester continued, but I allowed my body to signal to my brain what to eat. I realized the importance of protein intake and good fats. My doctor and midwife were reasonable about suggesting that the “do not eat list” not be forbidden for it will only tempt you more. Sure, I ate deli meat, soft cheeses, and smoked salmon, but I at them in moderation.

My Mom says “I glow and I am all baby!”. I gained 24 lbs in 9 months and I feel so good about that! I remember one growth spurt in the second trimester, I gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks, no joke!

I have to say that I will miss being pregnant! My excitement though to nurture and love this baby allows me to be ready for this next stage; motherhood.

2 days until my due date – a healthy, peaceful, quick, graceful and loving entrance into this world is what I hope and pray for my baby!

Signing off at 39 weeks and 6 days 

Way Back in January...A New Year!

I am a spirit, cyclical and bright. As you start this year, I urge you to live in your spirit. Each day set an intention and see it through to the best of your ability. You have a year, you have a beautiful life, and you are whole.

“To become and to be a mother
A woman must stand
Strong and steady
Moving, imperceptible
As a mountain;
Yet she must flow,
Yielding around obstacles
As a river does –
Sometimes slowly and gently,
Oftentimes with turbulence
And still be true to herself.”

— The River and Mountain Midwives philosophy

Happy New Year! A wonderful event occurred over the holidays, I found out that I am pregnant! It is very exciting for my husband and I as we have tried to conceive a child for 7 years. I was inspired to tell my story by my sister-in-law. Thank you, Rochelle!

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in high school and knew even when I married that conception may be difficult. Emotionally, it was heartbreaking. We tried the fertility route after we married and both of us felt very uncomfortable by the invasive treatments and lack of emotional understanding by the doctors and staff. It wasn’t until I met a wonderful midwife who reminded me…”these doctors, this route, they are all your choice. If you feel uncomfortable in any way, then honor that feeling. You are hiring them, not the other way around.” She reminded me in a gentle way of my choice in the situation. So, we decided to give it a rest.

As my husband and I enjoyed our marriage, forming a strong partnership over the years many changes took place.  We bought and renovated a house, the place we thought would be the perfect place to raise children. Were we ready though? We always questioned it…are we fulfilled? How can we raise children when we haven’t even given our dreams a chance? I look back now and I feel blessed that only God knew the best time. Oftentimes I laugh thinking that Patience is one of my life lessons. I watched as all of my friends and family members had babies and often times it hurt. Sometimes it was the unknowingness that it would happen, other times it was selfish as in why couldn’t I have that? It taught me so much about trust and faith.

At a certain point I changed my story and realized that Yes! it would happen, no I do not have control over it. I let it go and I lived my life. I let those that were pressuring me know that when it happened it will and pcos or not, if its meant to be it will be…motherhood that is. Sometimes it engulfed my world, but now I know why and the strength that my dis-ease in my body offered was what has taught me the most. It is what drives me today to help women in my health coaching business. I had to find my teachers and follow my instincts as to how to heal my body. I did not have the typical period in the early teenage years nor the baby after you marry. No, I was given the gift of illness in order to now take what I have learned and help others.

Our perspectives changed on having babies and slowly my husband and I both found our focus and our passion. Then, we moved. The move was good for both of us. It was a fresh start after 6 years of marriage and the timing felt right. Our community was different, open and kind. We met new people and we love where we live! We realized…this is the place we want to raise our children!

In the last few years with all of these changes our food philosophy and supplementation changed too. I began an herbal supplement regimen at the advice of an herbalist and during a summer studying at an herb farm. I began taking Gaia Herb’s Vitex (Chaste Berry) and then about a year later added evening primrose oil. The synergy of the two in conjunction with our new lifestyle and food habits is what I believe was the key to our success.

I never tracked my ovulation or my body temperature as I so diligently did many years ago early in our baby dream days. I enjoyed life and I had faith. My lifestyle now is so different than the pressures and expectations that I placed on myself back then and I feel grateful that I am now at an “advanced maternal age”. In the past, I struggled with expectations of others and myself and the looming black cloud of “timing” according to society. Now, I am so much more aware of who I am and what I want to create for this miracle inside of me than I ever was 7 years ago.

Please remember if you and your partner are trying to conceive or if you need support, please reach out. I have been there and I know how it feels at all levels, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

I can help you to balance your hormones, update your diet to achieve pregnancy and find lifestyle solutions that will support you as you join the great tribe of women in motherhood.

In darkness, there is always light.

Death doesn't always have to be so dark. I saw my Uncle Allan, a brave soul, who accepted that he had a short while to live. I visited with him the day before he passed and death always catches me by surprise. You aren't really prepared, you don't know what to do, a vulnerability emerges as what to do next. Yes, I am an adult and have been faced with this before, but no two deaths are the same.  My belief that is as a society, we think death is dark and scary. Well, maybe its my Catholic roots or all I have learned about crossing over, but I believe it is so magnificent and when you take that journey, it is all light! Yes, the people that loved you in the physical world will be emotional and it will take time to heal. If the newly crossed over have self-work to do, no doubt you will do it on the other side. It was comforting so to speak to see a man I had known my whole life, who gifted me with my first pair of skis, to be so at peace at the time of his death. 

I also saw light when on our visit, we reconnected with family and love was shared amongst us. I watched as we all held hands in a circle around my Uncle's bed saying the Our Father and the Hail Mary. It was powerful and believe me, life does not prepare you for those moments. I shed tears and I prayed for his safe return home. I also prayed for his family, especially Maria. When you always see your Aunt so happy and always laughing, you are not prepared to see her so sad and with tears..again, you are not prepared. Somehow though, with the support and love of us all, I do know she will return to her happy self and lightness will abound around her. It does give you that insight that worries are wasteful and what we really need to be doing is loving one another and communicating that, because we never know when death will be upon us. So hug your loved ones tighter and for gosh sakes, say "I love you!"

I was asked by my older sister, the eulogy queen :), no seriously! to write a few words about my Uncle Allan. Here they are and before I end I want to say Thank you to Allan. I know you are with us! You are a courageous person to show us all how in "darkness", there is light and with that I wish you peace.

Allan, what can I say other than a genuine, warm, easy to talk to person. When you saw him at family gatherings both large and small he was always there waiting to welcome you with a smile and a big hug. The feeling I always received from him was pure joy to see you and he imbued warmth and peace in his ways. He was easy to talk to, gregarious and always up for a good conversation. Allan was an incredibly genuine man, he was never trying to be someone else. His character was that of love and his family was so important to him.

Holidaze??

Do you feel in a daze that the holiday season is already upon us? Fear not, with some good intention and positive thoughts you will be arriving at the grocery store with peace and lifting yourself from the chaos to a space of bliss. Remember that you have choices and you do not have to feed into the surrounding fear, stress and anxiety that often comes with the start of the holidays.

On this holiday week, Thanksgiving, and the beginning of a joyous season remember yourself too. If family gatherings create stress or anxiety in your life, plan your trip with great care. Create boundaries to help you stay in control of your power and adjust your plan as necessary. Take breaks! Go outside for some fresh air and to reconnect to the bounty and beauty of the season. For extra sensitive souls, bring supplies to make your stay easier on yourself. Pack your bags with room sprays with calming and freshening essential oils, like lavender and lemon. You can even bring some personal items with you (pillow, crystals, a journal, books) to bring you peace and comfort. Does the space you will be in during your stay allow for a yoga mat? Often times, a grounding and grateful practice will give presence to being with family for a few days.

As much as we want and love to give to others, it is with the same love and care that we need to give to ourselves. Self-care will keep us in balance and with the rhythm of the holiday season. Good luck and enjoy the family time spent storytelling around the fire or at the kitchen table or any form which your family shares memories. These conscious moments of being with one another sharing love and laughter remind us how precious life truly is, especially as we share and express love towards one another. 

Enjoy! xo

A gorgeous Thanksgiving day with family.

My Mom and my niece

My Dad :)

Moving & Listening to your body

I wrote this when we first arrived in New York, 9 months ago, and we were living on our own again..

I listened.
I followed.
I let go...And it all magically fell into place.

3.16.2015

I moved! I am here Hudson Valley and I am ready to tell you about balance. When you move, if even only from the state beside yours you can get really thrown out of whack! You have to really listen and ask for that inner guidance to give you that which will align you and make you whole again. It was walking for me, taking our dog, Wylie, for a stroll in our new surroundings that actually grounded me more in my environment than unpacking our stuff from the boxes. Actually, some of that unpacking left me downright dizzy and that’s exactly why I yearned for the grounding process of connecting to nature.

Also, in the first couple weeks I had quite an insane craving for meat…not just any but a locally grass fed burger. It was the second weekend and the last couple nights of eggs and other hearty dishes that were not cutting it, at all! I listened to my body. That’s been an evolutionary and exciting thing to do for me and believe me it did not happen overnight. Its now been over a year of practicing this inside listening to one’s self in the nourishing food category. Well, I am happy to report that at first bite and after a second continuous night of a delicious burger, I actually felt lighter and again, more grounded.

Then, after the fact I realized I connected the dots to the energetics of food. It affects you on so many different planes and when we really listen and treat our body to the food it deserves and yearns for it responds with “YES! And thank you.” Signing off from the Hudson Valley ("the HV"), a happy and well-fed locavore.

Our new spot!

The Falls in the distance and an incredible swimming hole!

The Depuy Canal Trail

The Depuy Canal House

more Depuy Canal Trail

Early on in 2015...

I want to share with you all how this year is and how it was, where it began and how it is now..When I dip back to the past its because I think there is something to share. I will do my best to date it, so you know when I wrote it. Thank you always for reading!

2-2-15

One time or another we are hit, overload and overwhelm. The stress creeps into our being and events that seem negative at the onset challenge us in ways we did not even know we had the strength to deal with...ever. Sleepless nights ensue and we find our physical body taking a toll with mental fatigue, worry, anxiety and doubt. That, my dear friends was what happened to us on the onset of 2015. It was the year of the Soto’s, how could this occur?

Well, it did and continued until we fought with each other and our whole world continued to fall apart and all along the way we hit roadblocks. But then as we slowly let go, lights appeared along the way. Family, friends, words of comfort and support, an attitude of gratitude and forgiveness appeared. Our ego wanted so badly to punish us for the mistakes we made, but our spirit wanted to be free. We began to find ways to work together, not against one another. We began to trust strangers who we knew could help us out of situations beyond our control.

Finally, amidst the darkness we found faith and we trusted that someday, some way we would make it. One day we will look back and laugh. Aww, that wasn’t so bad, was it? That’s how January began and with a little bit of mercury retrograde thrown in there, oh that for sure did not help with things! Thankfully its over, mercury retrograde, that is. The other things that have taken us on an emotional roller coaster ride, well, let’s just say that our trust grows stronger in a higher plan. A purpose puts wind in our sails each and every day.  Two is stronger than one.

Your luck is in the bag!

Already the sun is shining and I feel the glow of warmth beckoning us outside. Its a time of rapid change and I am ready for the new - environment, people, home. A place to call our own where it beckons us to explore.

Engaged in life and ready for more! More trust, faith, love, lessons, growth. I have found that place within me that begs to be let out. Let go! Let it all rush in and treat every day as a tiny miracle along your path. Steering clear of old beliefs and thought patterns brings me more in line with what I was sent here to do. 

When you step back, all of life is perfect and divine. My vibration manifests the most beautiful riches into my life. All of you is also blessed with these riches, including health, wealth, love and peace.